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When a Caregiver needs some time away but…

 

When a Caregiver needs some time away but the Caretaker is not ready. This post is being created in Real-Time.  There may be some affiliate links included in this post which if you were to click on and make a purchase I would receive a small commission.  As always my goal is provide information that I have learned in my experience and share with others.

MY WISH LIST AS A CAREGIVER

To go OFF THE GRID (even if for only a little while)

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DO NOT clean

DO NOT cook

DO NOT do laundry

DO NOT have internet

DO NOT have phone service

DO NOT have texting

DO get up and journal at 3am if I want

DO take a nap if I want

DO take a shower if I want

DO eat a bacon wrapped banana for breakfast if I want

DO enjoy the quiet

DO sit by the fire

DO get more active

LOOK up at the stars every night in amazement-they don’t have this many stars in the city

WATCH the chipmunks run around without a care in the world

HEAR all the night-time sounds of nature

SO…the summer of 2018 I booked a CABIN for the fall way up in the middle of GODs COUNTRY for a week so that I could get away and just RELAX.

YES it all sounded great on paper but the logistics were just not worked out… I canceled that trip and just stayed home.

SO…the summer of 2019 I booked a CABIN for the fall way up in the middle of GODs COUNTRY for a week so that I could get away and just RELAX.

YES it all sounded great on paper but still the logistics were not worked out. As hard as my daughter tried (and she did try) she started having PANIC ATTACKS at the thought of me being OFF THE GRID for any length of time. She got herself sick and was quiet and the more we tried to come up with a solution where she would be comfortable with me being away the closer we got to the BREAKDOWN. I was to leave on the weekend and the BREAKDOWN happened while I was at work on Thursday.

Those of you reading this post who care for a loved one who battles a form of anxiety or depression or a host of other mental health disorders DREAD that call.

THE CALL

The call that starts off about something else but by now you are quite familiar with what is coming. I will not go into any detail other than some things were said that made me leave work early that day and head home.

When I got home she was “a mess”. I sat with her on the bed and we discussed the “somewhat exaggerated” reason she needed me to come home and what was really going on. My trip.

I am now at the point when I need to make a decision.

#1, Do I once again cancel my trip and stay home with her like I did last year?

#2. Do I go on my planned get-a-way and worry about her the entire time I am gone?

#3, Or do we figure out a way that I can still get some of my WISH LIST but she comes with me?

If you guessed OPTION #3 you were correct.

THE TRIP

So my trip which I am still on while typing this into a word document sitting outside by a nice hot fire is going well. The wish list was expressed and she was very set on helping me achieve as many goals that I could.

She really has been GREAT and I have to admit it was nice to actually play some POKER in the cabin for a few hours and watch how she enjoyed kicking my butt at MEMORY and BLACKJACK.

She is getting to sleep a lot and I am getting to journal a lot which seems to be a good trade off.   At home when I try to work on adding to my JOURNAL she seems as if I am using it as a way to get away from her BUT here she knows that is why I came and she accepts that.

She has laughed at my fire making skills and my fishing skills and I am OK with that and am enjoying having her here with me. She is not thrilled that the cabin I picked requires her to walk 1000 steps round trip just to use the facilities. I love it. I am not achy when I wake up in the morning since I had a nice middle of the night stroll trying not to step on a frog-it is bizarre how many frogs come out at night up here.

THE LOGISTICS

SO what logistics am i talking about?

That will bring us to the next post. Soon I will be posting about the FEAR OF ABANDONMENT and how it has affected our world. Some is real and some is imagined but I will go into detail on that next time.

HEADING over to grab another log for this amazing fire I built at 6am this morning while watching the sun rise over the lake…YES I am getting my WISH LIST on the trip for sure.

Keep fighting the good fight

Tammy

 

 

 

Tammy C

8 Comments

  1. Hello, tammy. When i first saw this post, i was wondering what it was about and when i came off at the end, i could see the reason why you chose those words for your topic. I have had some similar occasion too where i planned a getaway but with my husband, this time and i had to tell my mum to help me out in my own case. I was able to fulfil my own list completely and i was happy. I guess your trip was happy in the end. Nice that you could get some care for yourself. Nice article.

    • Thank you for your kind words.  Yes my trip was happy and being able to communicate with my daughter that I felt I needed a break from our everyday routine was crucial.  

  2. How I love to get off the grid for just a little time. The peace and relaxation is something I wouldn’t take for granted during these moments. But it is not always possible to just up and leave, as you experienced with your daughter. It is just impossible to be away, trying to relax yet you are worried about your loved one back at home. But there always something that can be  done to make the situation better. Your sunset view amazing. Enjoy your fire.Thank you for sharing your story with us. Looking forward to your next post. 

    • Hello Carol

      Thanks for the comments.  Each day I am learning to find away to make these situations better.  Appreciate your kind remarks.  

  3. I am not a mother nor near of being one, but this article was so interesting. My closest friend is a mom and her son has been going through so much lately. He’s in his 20s but every time he needs something or is going through a rough time, my friend is always there for him, no matter what. I’ve seen her drain herself over her son’s situation and nothing he does can make her say “okay I need time for myself you do what you have to do on your own”. She would stop everything and go help him. Mothers are truly superheroes.  

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my article.  I appreciate your superhero comment although some days it is difficult.  I have found that in my case because my daughter is older and we live in the same house an open communication is crucial.  Hope your friend is able to catch some time to get what she needs to stay the course.  

  4. It was really good to actually read your story here. it was honestly enjoyable but i was struck with a feeling of tragedy in the middle when your daughter fell kind of mom-sick. Gladly, you could go back for her and that was so cute. Maybe the cutest thing I’d see today. I’m happy you eventually enjoyed your trip. Thanks for sharing. I hope to see more from you.

    • Hey John,

      Your comments make me smile.  I am glad you enjoyed the story.  Thanks for your input.   

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